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Gesundheit
3 years, 3 months Gesundheit

From: Admin
To: ALL
Subject: New office policy
Date: 15 October 13:34
This has been...

From: Admin
To: ALL
Subject: New office policy
Date: 15 October 13:34

This has been a particularly bad flu season, and we’re concerned about how disease affects productivity. After much discussion and review of recent research, leadership has decided to issue an office policy against sneezing. If you need to sneeze, please go to the bathroom to avoid spreading germs and wash your hands after the sneeze. Do not sneeze at your desk! This new policy starts tomorrow.


 

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A Student Emails His Professor While Drunk. Results Are...
3 years, 3 months A Student Emails His Professor While Drunk. Results Are Amazing

From: Patrick Davidson
To: Mr Martin
Subject: (no subject)
Date: 15 October...

From: Patrick Davidson
To: Mr Martin
Subject: (no subject)
Date: 15 October 13:34

 

Mr Martin

Just letting u kno that u r a motherfuckn g and I'm sorry that u r bald. Lol

If u want I can hook u go with a girl who can get ur hair back and keep bangin.

Also I just needed to ask u for an extension on my paper. I'm really fucked rn and will b sick af tomorrow.

Keep slayin boi and I forgot to do school loop again.

Love u and c u Monday

Good fuckn yard

Patrick Davidson




From: Mr Martin 
To: Patrick Davidson
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Date: 16 October 19:22

 

Patrick,

Sounds like you had a great night. I will extend your paper deadline to Wednesday at 11:59PM. It must be submitted to turnitin.com

Please refer to my syllabus for information on how to submit your paper.

I appreciate your concern for my bald head. My wife likes it and I don't get paid enough to get hair implants.

On a side note... What were you drinking last night? Next time you email me id like a bottle of whatever you had so I don't have to remember what you said.

Good yard

- Mr. Martin

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A Real Attention-Seeker
4 years, 1 month A Real Attention-Seeker

To: James Veitch
Subject: ATTENTION!
Date: 21 May 03:42
Greetings? Firstly, i must apologies for barge into your...

To: James Veitch
Subject: ATTENTION!
Date: 21 May 03:42

Greetings? Firstly, i must apologies for barge into your mailbox. i seek a decision maker to grab 50% of $128 million. Yours free

HAVE I GOT YOUR ATTENTION?

My question to you is do you want to be a millionaire? all you need do is assist me on what is Required you get $64 million dollars

HAVE I GOT YOUR ATTENTION?

I require UN undertaking that you will not run of with the money. Driven by greed. call it winnings or compensation is your choice.

HAVE I GOT YOUR ATTENTION?

This transaction is a deal which you do no allowed to tell anybody. However, provide your personal information.




From: James Veitch
To: Juan Carlos
Subject: Re: ATTENTION!
Date: 22 May 08:05

Sorry, can you repeat that? I wasn’t paying attention.

 

Source: dailymail

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Stranger Offering 50 Kilos of Gold
4 years, 1 month Stranger Offering 50 Kilos of Gold

From: Solomon Oddonkoh
To: James Veitch
Subject: (no subject)
Date: 15 October 13:34
Hello Mr Veitch, How are...

From: Solomon Oddonkoh
To: James Veitch
Subject: (no subject)
Date: 15 October 13:34

Hello Mr Veitch, How are you doing? Hope all is well with you. I have an interesting business proposal I want to share with you. In which country are you located?

I await your reply so that we can commence. Regards, Solomon




From: James Veitch
To: Solomon Oddonkoh
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Date: 16 October 19:22

Hey there, I’m currently stationed in London. Is London on the list of countries you work with?




From: Solomon Oddonkoh
To: James Veitch
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Date: 16 October 19:39

Dear James Veitch, You can be able to work with us in London as receiving agent? We shall be shipping Gold and Rough Diamonds to you to distribute to buyers on our behalf, and you will earn10% in cash worth of any goods you distribute. We can start with 50kgs as trial shipment. The worth should be about $5 million. I await your reply as soon as possible. Regards, Solomon




From: James Veitch
To: Solomon Oddonkoh
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Date: 17 October 13:41

50kg? You’ve got to be kidding me. There’s no point doing this at all unless we’re shipping at least a metric tonne. I’m a hedge fund executive bank manager so I know about these things. This isn’t the first time I’ve shipped bullion my friend, no no. Now. Where are you based? I don’t know about you but I think, if we’re going Royal Mail, it ought to be signed for — no?




From: Solomon Oddonkoh
To: James Veitch
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Date: 17 October 15:23

It will not be easy to convince my company to do larger quantity shipment. We usually start with smaller quantity as trial shipment,

I am currently in Ghana. But we have mines all South America and Africa. Here is our www.katagoldd.web.com




From: James Veitch
To: Solomon Oddonkoh
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Date: 17 October 15:58

Solomon, I’m completely with you on this one. We must convince them that we need to ship three tonnes of gold. I’m not talking about Spandau Ballet either. Your website is down. Is that the right link?




From: Solomon Oddonkoh
To: James Veitch
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Date: 17 October 17:16

Okay Then you will have to call our marketing manager. And convince him about that.




From: James Veitch
To: Solomon Oddonkoh
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Date: 17 October 17:24

How much room do you think the gold will take up? There’s not much room where I live. I can bin the microwave but that only frees up about two square feet. Still trying to get on to your website; have you had your IT guys look at it?




From: Solomon Oddonkoh
To: James Veitch
Subject: Re: (no subject)
Date: 17 October 21:59

I have to go bed now. Till morrow. Have sweet dream.




From: James Veitch
To: Solomon Oddonkoh
Subject: Security!
Date: 18 October 13:55

Solomon, Re. security: I think when we email each other, we should use some sort of code. Would that be alright? I spent all night coming up with one; can we use it in all further communications please.

Bank: Creme Egg

Lawyer: Gummy Bear

Legal: Fizzy Cola Bottle

Claim: Peanut M&Ms

Documents: Jelly Beans

Western Union: A Giant Gummy Lizard. Please call me KitKat in all further correspondence.

Looking forward to doing business with you! KitKat




From: Solomon Oddonkoh
To: James Veitch
Subject: Re: Security!
Date: 19 October 11:49

The Business is on and I am trying to raise the balance for the lawyer so that he can submit all the needed legal documents the bank for the claim process to start. Can you assist with some funds? Send to my name £1,500.00 via Western Union




From: James Veitch
To: Solomon Oddonkoh
Subject: Re: Security!
Date: 19 October 13:13

Solomon, I certainly can. I can send funds tomorrow. But I’m very concerned about privacy. In your email, ‘claim’ should have been Peanut M&Ms and ‘documents’ should have been Jelly Beans.




From: Solomon Oddonkoh
To: James Veitch
Subject: Re: Security!
Date: 19 October 14:22

The business is on. I am trying to raise the balance for the Gummy Bear so he can submit all the needed Fizzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans to the Creme Egg for the Peanut M&Ms process to start. Can you assist with the funds? Send £1,500.00 via A Giant Gummy Lizard. Solomon




From: James Veitch
To: Solomon Oddonkoh
Subject: Re: Security!
Date: 19 October 14:25

:)

 

Source: dailymail

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Mandela's Wife and a Chance to Make Millions
4 years, 1 month Mandela's Wife and a Chance to Make Millions

From: Winnie Mandela
To: James Veitch
Subject: (no subject)
Date: 1 March 21:31
I AM WINNIE MANDELA. I AM THE...

From: Winnie Mandela

To: James Veitch

Subject: (no subject)

Date: 1 March 21:31

I AM WINNIE MANDELA. I AM THE SECOND WIFE OF NELSON MANDELA THE FORMER SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I AM IN POSSESSION OF US$45 MILLION DOLLARS. I NEED TO TRANSFER IT OUT OF THE COUNTRY BECAUSE OF MY HUSBAND MR NELSON MANDELA’S HEALTH CONDITION. IF ALSO HAVE A GOOD BUSINESS IDEAS ON ANY LUCRATIVE INVESTMENTS, I WILL MAKE YOU INVESTMENTS MANAGER. ONE LOVE

YOURS TRUELY, MRS WINNIE MADIKIZELA MANDELA


From: James Veitch

To: Winnie Mandela

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 3 March 22:20

So sorry to hear of this. Given that Nelson died three months ago, I’d describe his health condition as fairly serious. Nevertheless, I have some great ideas for investments :) Tell me a story about Nelson? What did he like for breakfast? James


From: Winnie Mandela

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 3 March 22:38

Nelson is now a history. We will speak on investing my money afterwards. Kindly comply with my banker for the transfer to be done smoothly.


From: James Veitch

To: Winnie Mandela

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 3 March 22:40

Can you just tell me if it’s Cheerios? I’d like to eat the same thing as him.


From: Winnie Mandela

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 3 March 22:55

dont ask me stupid questions.

if you are here for jokes stop further communicating with me here because i dont have time for this foolishness. The bank needs transfer fee of us$3800 dollars for the transfer to be made to your account.


From: James Veitch

To: Winnie Mandela

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 4 March 11:16

I don’t like the way you’re talking to me one bit. Is this how you used to talk to Nelson?


From: Winnie Mandela

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 4 March 18:11

Remember i will offer you 25% of the fund ONE LOVE


From: James Veitch

To: Winnie Mandela

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 4 March 18:16

Awesome. NO WOMAN NO CRY


From: Winnie Mandela

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 4 March 18:18

This is 11.3 Million Dollars ONE LOVE


From: James Veitch

To: Winnie Mandela

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 4 March 18:19

Amazing! I SHOT THE SHERIFF (But I did not shoot the deputy) I would LOVE to be your investments manager. I haven’t done much of it before but I’ve got some rock-solid ideas I think you’d love to hear. Many of them involve the chickpea. But I can’t very well take so much money off you and become your investment manager without becoming friends first. I want to know more about you.


From: Winnie Mandela

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 4 March 20:09

do you jump in the air to know more about me when i am known all over the world. have you not heard of me being the second wife of my late husband nelson Mandela ?

send me your photo to help me recognize you during my visiting you. what is knowing some one better than meeting with the person one on one ?


From: James Veitch

To: Winnie Mandela

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 4 March 20:10

When do you want to meet? I can’t do this weekend, unfortunately. I’m seeing a show then going dancing. Unless you wanted to come. What are your thoughts?


From: Winnie Mandela

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 4 March 20:35

what do you mean by seeing a show then going dancing ?


From: James Veitch

To: Winnie Mandela

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 4 March 21:09

Would you prefer something more low-key like roller-disco? I’ve literally always wanted to do that.


From: Winnie Mandela

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: (no subject)

Date: 4 March 21:41

EXPLAIN MORE BETTER TO ME ON WHAT YOU ACTUALLY IMPLYING HERE: low-key like roller-disco?

i can only visit you when the transfer is completed.

 

 

Source: dailymail

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The Russian Beauty Looking For Love
4 years, 1 month The Russian Beauty Looking For Love

From: Elena
To: James Veitch
Subject: Re: How did I find you?
Date: 15 February 14:44
My name is Elena. i am...

From: Elena

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: How did I find you?

Date: 15 February 14:44

My name is Elena. i am searching for an understanding person who see love as the only way of trust and care. i have something important to tell you



From: James Veitch

To: Elena

Subject: Re: How did I find you?

Date: 16 February 11:54

Elena, That’s SO weird. I was searching for an understanding person who see love as the only way of trust and care right when you emailed. What’s this important thing you have to tell me? James Veitch



From: Elena

To: James Veitch

Subject: About me

Date: 17 February 13:21

Dear James, I am 24 years old, 5.6ft tall, never married before. i am a girl who loves to give people happiness always despite what the circumstance might look like.

Most of my hobbies are, reading novels, jogging, listening to music, cooking, listen to music, tv and movies. I like honest, real, sincere and trustworthy people. But i hate dishonest, cheaters, and irresponsible peoples. I have a cat. His name is Homka. Elena



From: James Veitch

To: Elena

Subject: Re: About me

Date: 17 February 19:16

Let me introduce myself, too. I am Mr James Veitch (rhymes with ‘peach’), 5’10” tall.

I, too, have never married though my mother keeps asking probing questions about whether I’ve ‘met someone’.

It’s really nice to make your acquaintance. I, too, love movies and hate dishonest people! It’s exciting to meet someone who shares the same esoteric range of likes and dislikes as I do.

I can’t help noticing that you listed listening to music twice in your hobbies.

Was this an oversight or are you just very passionate about listening to music?

My hobbies are playing piano and guitar, pining for girls, worrying about climate change, pining for girls and the poetry of John Keats.



From: Elena

To: James Veitch

Subject: My life

Date: 18 February 13:49

Dearest James I wish to let you know that sincerely is the best way in life.

though we might be thousands of miles away from each other but it does not matter,what really matters in life is love not distance or color. I want to love and be loved. If you don’t mind to meet me please tell me the name of your city and nearest international airport! I will book my flight from Moscow.

I think you are interested that I don’t have a boyfriend, because all men here look on my visual aspect and I want somebody who will look inside me. Elena



From: James Veitch

To: Elena

Subject: Re: Feelings

Date: 20 February 15:31

I’m so sorry you haven’t found anyone to look inside you yet. Come to London — I’ll sort you out with an Oyster card. The nearest international airport is Heathrow. There’s Gatwick, too but, to be honest, it’s a pain.

Don’t get me started on Stansted. I’m quite excited to see you. But so soon? Do you normally fly out to meet someone you’ve just met?? James (call me Jimbo, please)



From: Elena

To: James Veitch

Subject: Tickets

Date: 24 February 00:15

My honey Jimbo!!!!

Every my cell shouts about how it wants to see you. I didn’t guess that tickets costs so much. May be you could borrow some money?! You may send it by Western Union. It is pretty easy to use. Here is a picture to show that I am real.

 


  

From: James Veitch

To: Elena

Subject: Re: Tickets

Date: 24 February 12:23

Love the picture.

Every my cell shouts too! Will you bring Homka with you?


 
From: Elena

To: James Veitch

Subject: So sorry

Date: 24 February 20:38

Without your help I will not be able to fly to you. But I do not want to be lonely again. I want you to warm your hands up in the back pockets of my jeans. I want you to love me. I do no know homka. Who is homka?



From: James Veitch

To: Elena

Subject: Re: So sorry

Date: 24 February 21:11

Homka is your cat and, frankly, if you can forget about Homka so easily, what’s to stop you forgetting about me?

But I want to see you, too. Not only do I want to warm my hands in the back pocket of your jeans but I get the distinct impression you would like to dip your hands into my back pocket, too. Much love, James

P.S. Somewhere, in Moscow, there is a hungry cat

 

Source: dailymail

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